Another suit of armour
by Midnight Filly
Summary: Wonderful. My face has greeted yet another suit of armour, for the fith time this week. You would think that I might learn. Basically Regulus Black rambling. Oneshot.


WHACK!

Wonderful. My face has greeted yet another suit of armour, for the fith time this week. You would think that I might learn.

I fell onto the ground and rubbed my nose. Ouch, those suits of armour are harder than they look.

Thump.

Now I'm on the floor. Is there a rule or something that states Armour plus Regulus equals floor?

Great. Practically everyone in the hallway is laughing. They think I'm just a Slytherin scum, they don't know the real me, my family doesn't know the real me, heck, _I_ don't even know the real me.

If I was surrounded by my usual group of friends, none of them would dare to laugh. My friends aren't exactly the nicest people around.

Unfortunately today I decided to walk around by myself.

Fortunately she hasn't noticed yet. _She_ as in the reason that I've been walking into suits of armour all over the place.

Maybe if I creep off quietly…Damn. I guess that I forgot for a second that Kitty Lupin is her best friend.

I hate Kitty Lupin. Yes, I realise that when you ask somebody out sixteen times it may not seem as if you hate them But, hey, you can hate somebody at the same time that you like them right?

No, probably not.

Sirius tried giving me some tips, but they just don't work with me. I guess coming from a confident, bigmouthed sixth year is different than coming from a shy, self conscious fith year.

Guess which one I am.

Anyway, she's looking down at me now. And, as usual I can't help staring.

Aaarrrggh! Regulus, look away! She is one person I don't want to be caught staring at.

Okay, she's turning away now. And she's not laughing! Oh. That might be because Remus Lupin, Kitty's brother and Sirius's friend has just walked up to them.

She has this strange habit of blushing and dropping whatever she's holding whenever Remus is around.

Sirius Black. My brother. I don't even know what that word means anymore. Brother. Bro-ther. Broth-er. Br-other, that last one is probably the best. He is technically just another person now.

By statistics he's just some popular Gryffindor boy. By blood…What does blood matter anymore? Its just red stuff. Big deal.

I'm not sure what anything means anymore. Ever since he moved out, left the Black family, left the Black mansion, left me with a stern old father and a horrible mother, I haven't been sure of anything.

I've started failing in Defence Against the Dark Arts, my best subject, I've started walking around on my own instead of in a group, I've stopped asking Kitty out.

But he doesn't care. He doesn't even know. So that's why I've decided to stop being my family's puppet.

I've always just done whatever the person in front of me tells me to. I even take orders from our house elf!

All my life I've done whatever everybody and anybody tells me to. Sirius usually does the opposite. And look at him. He's happy. Maybe I should start doing what I want for a change…As soon as I become of age and move out that is.

Anyway, back to the situation at hand. Incase you have forgotten, I am sitting at the feet of a particularly hard suit of armour while watching the girl I have liked for…a long time now, blushing at her best friends brother.

Pathetic.

"Hey Black, I don't think that you've mastered walking through walls yet" Oh ha, very funny. Did I mention that I hate Kitty Lupin?

Now to think of a response. Maby I should just walk away. I mean, what can I say?

Well you see Kitty, the reason that I've been walking into walls lately is because I'm too preoccupied at staring at you're best friend.

Yeah, that'll work.

Just at the moment when I need him least who should show up but my brother? He has a habit of doing that. Always showing up when you don't want him.

How good do I look just now? I need my big brother's help to defend myself against a girl whose biggest danger is her nails.

"Hey Kitty, is my brother bothering you?"

Oh yes, defend her. Of course it probably wouldn't occur to him that a Black, a great descendant of a line of dark wizards, can't stand up to a wandless girl.

"Oh no, we were just wondering why he has a sudden fascination of walking into walls"

They all look down at me and I realise that I am still on the floor. I stand up and brush myself off in the most dignified way I can manage, which isn't very dignified.

"Kitty, has it ever occurred to you that we mere mortals sometimes make mistakes?"

I think that I hit my head harder on that suit of armour than I thought and am now dreaming. Because it just sounded like she stood up for me.

Except…Kitty is never in my dreams…only the nightmares.

Hey, I just realised, She spoke in front of Remus…this is new. And she did it without blushing.

"Hey Opal, since when do you stand up for…anybody?" Sirius asked.

"Or speak?" James piped up.

Okay, I wasn't the only one that noticed.

Ahhh Opal. Just about the only thing that my parents would approve about her, her first name. And that's just because opals are my mother's favourite jewels.

I mean, who has ever heard of a Dark Lord whose last name is Nightingale?

You would probably take back that sweet image of a singing bird if you met her sister.

But anyway, everything about her is wrong for a Black. Firstly, she has blonde hair. Dark blonde, yes, but still blonde. The thing about most Black's is they have black hair. I know, you never would have guessed.

And she has dark olive green eyes, not scary enough. They need to be brown or grey.

And she is shy and sweet and quiet. Not exactly the image of an evil Dark Lord is it?

All this didn't stop Sirius from dating her sister, Amber though did it? Oh well, that's just Sirius. And Amber is much more Darklordish.

This is all kind of ironic, since the only thing wrong with Kitty is her name.

"Since you decided to defend my friend who is mentally attacking you're brother" Opal told Sirius. She then turned and looked at me "You have metal polish on you're nose"

I self consciously rubbed it off while Sirius tried to process what she had said. Unfortunately she can talk to me easily without blushing.

I realised that I haven't said anything yet and decided to come up with something to say.

"So how's the family going?" Sirius asked me.

I just stared at him. He has been gone now for two weeks. I have been breaking apart now for two weeks. My family is now depending on me to bring up the great Black family. Since I almost look like a mini version of Sirius they have decided to turn me into what Sirius never was.

Hasn't it occurred to any of them that I don't want to be that person? Hasn't it occurred to Sirius that when he left I would be forced to be what he ran away from?

No, of coarse it wouldn't. Because if there's one thing I learnt from my mother, it's that Slytherins look after themselves. They don't care about others just as long as their happy.

Is that really who I am? Maybe, I still don't know who I am yet. Maybe I never will know. Maybe I'm doomed to never know my true meaning.

Maybe I should answer instead of staring blankly into space.

"My family's going fine" Hmmm, if you call throwing fits every time Sirius's name is mentioned and practically blasting the house apart every time I talk about school, fine.

"Well that's good. As long as you don't start walking through walls at mother she will be fine" he chuckled at his own weak joke.

I just sighed. Why had I actually thought that he could take anything seriously? I mean, come on, his name is Sirius!

I guess one thing that I've learnt in life is that names don't mean anything.

So, instead of doing the Sirius thing and standing there shouting strange things for hours,

Or the Molly thing and saying something so weird that everyone forgets what they were talking about

or the Amber thing, getting bored and cursing everyone for not being entertaining enough,

or even the Lily thing, getting a vacant expression and nodding from time to time,

No I did the Regulus thing.

Turning and walking away.

Leaving everything behind me.

The easy way out.

My life sucks.


End file.
